Mama Mama Quite Contrary

Tell me that Jackson Five song isn't running through your head right now... My husband bought me an Ipod shuffle for my birthday. This is a big deal yo.  I shun technology.  I don't even have caller ID and when you call me and I am on the phone, guess what?  You get a busy signal.  No shit.  My friend Grace says that I am "off the grid" and with the exception of the occasional TV drug I give my children, I kind of it like it that way. So, in light of that fun fact, I thought I would be a lazy blogger today and tell you a little bit more about Mama Mama ABC style.   Here we go: Age:   35 and it feels great! B ed size: Queen size.  C hore I hate: They all kind of suck but I am going to go with mopping. D ogs : Pup.  He's the best kind because he is stuffed.   E ssential start to my day: My husband getting up with the girls F avorite color: Green.  It's the new black. G old or silver:  I think I look better i...

Recently a family friend of ours told us that if he could have laid out his life plan knowing how hard it would be to have twin babies, he would still choose to have two at once. Even if he had the choice to have the same exact children but not at the same time, he would CHOOSE the experience of having twins.  I nodded politely but in my head I was thinking  there is no way in hell I would go through that again.    It is well-documented in this blog that my twins were a huge surprise.  I had a few weeks to prepare for the baby I was expecting and the bonus I was also getting.  I was frantic with the idea that I was going to have three children under the age of three and little help.  To say that we were overwhelmed for the first year of their lives hardly conveys the extreme amount of exhaustion, stress, and misery we endured.  It was brutal and if given the option of all things being equal, I absolutely would NOT choose to do it again. I think...

It's barely 9 a.m. and I am processing three distinct interactions with my twins this morning. Here is the first: Ellie wakes me up every morning after she and Jude have breakfast with their dad.  She usually comes in like a tornado and then climbs on the bed yelling, "Ake up Mama!  Ake up Mama!" When I begin to stir, she burrows under the covers and changes her battle cry to "Nuggle Mama!" while she settles her head next to mine on the pillow.  Despite the ruckus, I love starting my day this way. This morning Ellie came in with the usual commotion but instead of telling me to wake up, she was barking like a dog.  She got up on the bed with her stuffed puppy and started bouncing it on my head while she was growling.  When I looked up, she said, "Mama,  Puppy poop on head."  Then she put her nose to my scalp and proclaimed, "Oooooh,  stinky!" This is a long way away from the usual snuggling. Before today, Ellie would lie next to me, stroke ...

It seems my little Jude Bug doesn't like me anymore.  Lately, in a rather strange turn of events, Jude seems to prefer her dad.  And by prefer I mean she cries hysterically when he leaves for work.  She refuses to let him put her down when he's home and she will not let me get her out of the crib after nap time until she is certain that Daddy isn't in the house.  Oh, and here's the kicker, she looks utterly dejected as she literally swats away my advances.  This is the face I am greeted with: Daddy, of course, finds this whole situation quite humorous and is delighted by Jude's intensity of feelings toward him.  There's just one little hitch... Jude calls him Mommy. We've been very perplexed by this whole situation.  Jude clearly knows that her father is called Daddy but if I am around, his name is Mommy.  When he walks in the door after work, she runs to him yelling, "Mom-meee!  Mom-meee!"   Hmmm......

Lately I've been thinking about what it means to be a success. When I was a career woman, I could point to publications and results from our legislative advocacy. It was thrilling to see my name in print or to know that the work I did led to a better life for someone who had been tortured. All in all, it was a tangible offering for my resume and made me a rather marketable gal in the world of human rights. Ahh, that was SO three years ago. I think I measure success a little differently today. My kids and husband are healthy and my house is in one piece. Sometimes, that feels more like a miracle than testimony to all the work I put in but I'll still take it. Here's a highlight of a few other successful moments: A backyard picnic which resulted in next to no clean-up! Preventing a child from being run-over by a rouge Turtle on a Cheeky Chick. Three happy girls in the tub. (This is one of those miracles.) And, of course, my biggest success is happy kids who can make t...

I think most parents would agree that each passing stage of their child's life is bittersweet.  While it is exciting to see how our children change and grow, every new development often reflects a loss of something else.  As my Turtles turn one, I feel this in a very profound way.  In what has been the fastest year of my life, I look toward their birthday with a great sadness that is only mildly offset by relief.  This may be a common feeling for mothers of multiples but it doesn't make it any easier. Jude Bug and Ellie Bean have brought me great joy this past year but I would be dishonest if I didn't acknowledge that the joy was deeply mitigated by the fact that I spent the vast majority of our time purely focused on our survival.  There was never any time to focus on tiny fingers wrapped around my own.  There was hardly a moment when I could marvel at the miracle of two full-term, full-sized babies my husband and I created. ...

The remodel has begun. We are in the midst of two by fours and old horse hair plaster, hammers and saws, and hope and horror. Our little two bedroom home is being converted into a little three bedroom home and while I am optimistic about how the change will improve the quality of our lives, I am not exactly thrilled to have to do it. We are sealed in plastic and still covered in dust. The construction zone used to be our bedroom. It has two windows, a large walk-in closet, and enough floorspace to accommodate two cribs, two dressers, and a queen-size bed. There is a door at either end of the room which made us realize that, at some point during our home's 80-year history, our big room used to be two small rooms. With that knowledge, our plan was hatched. And this is what that large room where my Turtles entered the world looks like now: My home's bones are laid bare before my eyes. The nakedness makes me want to turn away out of respect to its history. I am uncomfortable, in...

I have this thing about hair. I've spent all my life being defined by my red locks and it has been both a blessing and a curse. For every person who admires the color, there is someone else who makes some stupid comment about how "fiery" redheads can be. The attention my hair brought me as a child was seldom welcomed and I've gotten enough Pippi Longstocking and Little Orphan Annie references to last a lifetime. Sadly, it seems that the same fate is befalling my girls. No one appears to have red hair but Vivi has a head full of truly outstanding curls. It's next to impossible to go anywhere without someone pointing at her and smiling or commenting. It's never negative but it is attention paid to how she looks and that makes me a little uncomfortable. Just the other day, she stared at the mirror and said, "My hair is very curly and beautiful today." Well, yes it was but if I'm not on top of the hair everyday it very easily turns into dreadlocks....

Ok , what happened to my sweet little girl? Vivi has gone from utter delight with occasional moments of crankiness to rude, crude, and full of bad attitude. I expected limit-testing and all the things I have been told that go along with being two but our twos were far from terrible. Three, however, is kicking my ass. It's like a switch was flipped. Vivi repeatedly yells, throws tantrums, and says things in a way that makes me think my daughter is 13 and not 3. She has taken recalcitrant behavior to a whole new level and I'm too tired to do anything but yell back and put her into extended time-outs. It's an ugly scene. On Friday Vivi and I were butting heads all day and I came very close to spanking her on numerous occasions. (I feel that every parent has the right to make her own decisions about reasonable discipline but I am not in the pro-spanking camp for reasons I won't go into here.) We both made it to bedtime by the skin of our teeth but while I was putting her j...

It seems that pregnancy can bring out the worst in people. I'm not talking about the pregnant woman herself but others. I have encountered enough random people who feel the need to touch, comment, or ask inappropriate questions to last a lifetime. Here's a recent sampling: "Did you use fertility drugs or what?" This was asked by the lab tech who drew my blood. "So, just between you and me, how much weight have you gained?" From a woman who recently cut my hair for the first time. "Well, at least you don't have eight in there." From various people who learn that I am carrying twins. "Sam, you are HUGE! I mean, you have to be the biggest pregnant woman I have ever seen!" From a neighborhood acquaintance who had not seen me in a while. I have to admit that I have been so shocked by some of these comments that I have mostly laughed in response. Still, it bothers me. It's no one's business if I ended up with twins because...

For 2009, Vivi has been conferred the official title of Little Miss Independent. This is a self-appointed position that she has taken on with great enthusiasm. Lately, Vivi has preferred to do most everything herself which includes getting dressed in the morning, peeling her own clementines, wiping herself after the potty, and putting her dishes in the sink. It's all very disconcerting to me and my husband. Sunday night, after snuggling on the couch downstairs and reading our requisite three stories, she informed us that she was going to go to bed. ALL BY HERSELF. Oh, and she was adamant that she doesn't need the hall light on or her bedroom door open anymore. My husband and I just looked at each other in disbelief as she walked up the stairs in the dark and climbed into bed. We went up 10 minutes later and there she was asleep snuggled under her comforter. Is it possible that she is this big already? Well, the answer is no NO NO! I'm not in denial about my child growing ...

Ever since Vivi learned that there was a baby in mommy's tummy, we've been helping her understand the different relationships in our families. She knows, and proudly announces, that she is going to be a big sister but the fact that she may have a sister or a brother is a little harder to grasp. (That's why this baby will probably forever be known as "Turtle.") Vivi is aware of who her grandparents are and who goes by aunt or uncle but the fact that Katie is my sister thus making her Vivi's aunt, well... I think it'll be awhile before she has a handle on that. She seems to be processing it though. We recently discovered that Vivi has renamed many of her stuffed animals. A teddy bear that used to be known as "Big Ted" is now "my big sister" and her little stuffed frog is a "little cousin." It's not stopping there though. As we were putting Vivi to bed a few nights ago, she told us to be quiet because someone was sleep...

When I was pregnant my husband and I decided not to find out the sex of "Junior." We reasoned that there are so few true surprises in life that we wanted this to be one of them. Besides, I was convinced that I was carrying a boy anyway. In retrospect, I think I had convinced myself I was carrying a boy so if one came out, I wouldn't be disappointed. You see, I really wanted a girl although I wasn't able to fully admit that to myself while pregnant. Of course, like all pregnant women, I wanted a healthy baby with ten fingers and ten toes but if I had been given a choice between a healthy boy or a healthy girl, I would have taken the girl without hesitation. I am sure I would have loved a boy as much as I love Vivi but I just didn't feel like I would have known what to do with a boy. After all, I have four sisters. Well, be careful what you semi-subconsciously wish for. I've tried to be aware of how Vivi's sex might impact my interactions with her and the ...

Last night, I was in the company of several other women whom I had never met before. As we were introducing ourselves, one woman said, "My name is XXX. I am the mother of six kids but I have a real job at XXX investment company." This comment really struck a nerve. Why was she discounting her own role as a mother by saying " but I have a real job..." and why does being paid for work make it "real?" This touched on the larger question of what truly forms our own personal identity? That's something I've been thinking about a lot since I became a mother. While pregnant, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't return to my job once the baby arrived. I had a new and astoundingly incompetent supervisor which exacerbated an already stressful line of work. The hassle of managing my manager in addition to everything else just didn't seem worth it. Then Vivi came along and everything changed. I didn't know anyone here except my husband and I missed t...