I just ate a piece of chocolate bundt cake for breakfast. It was homemade by moi and smothered in chocolate ganache. I sat at the kitchen table and ate it right off the serving plate. (At least I didn't eat it while leaning over the sink. A woman has to have some limits.) The worst part was that it wasn't even half as delicious as I had hoped and I still ate it.
Since I was setting a bad example for my Turtles who sat at the table with me, I decided to share my cake breakfast with them. They seemed to think it was delicious. So maybe the worst part was NOT eating it while leaning over the sink.
So, in a span of about ten minutes, I was able to turn a perfectly okay morning into one where I feel bad about myself, my mothering, and my complete lack of coping skills.
It's certainly fair to say that I have had a lot of stress the last two days. My sister had major surgery yesterday and while the operation seemed to go smoothly, this particular procedure has a high rate of complications. I feel like her doctors pushed her into this before they exhausted other options and that makes me angry. Being married to a physician has only added to my stress since he is well-versed in all the potential complications as well as all the potential routes for treatment my sister didn't pursue.
After the surgery, one of my other sisters called to update me. Off the cuff, she asked if I knew how my brother's wife was doing. I thought it was an odd question since I'd just seen her around Halloween and don't generally keep in touch between visits. She told me that my sister-in-law has been in the hospital since Monday with a very dangerous kidney infection that had been leading to sepsis. Of course, in typical fashion, my parents never called to tell me so I found out accidentally.
I guess I've identified the reasons for the chocolate cake. Now, I just need to let it go. Begin again, and as irony would have it, go break up Jude and Ellie who are now fighting over a piece of wooden birthday cake.