Off the Deep End

Yesterday was just one of those days when I felt like I had it worse than every other mother in the world.  The sort of day when nothing goes right and I am living some sort of existential nightmare where there is no rest, no end to the crying, and no freaking escape from my children.  A god-awful, suck-the-life-out-of-you kind of day that makes a woman hate every other mother who has ever complained about how hard it is with their kid-- their one child or their two children-- because they (the infamous "they") do not know how much harder it all is with twins. 

And, let me just say it now, having twins is so much more than double the work.  It is the kind of thing that makes one regret becoming a parent at all.  There, I said it.  I have been so good about staying positive the last eleven and a half months that I barely have let the drag of it all get to me.  Well, it got to me yesterday so unless you have twins yourself, I hate you.  I hate that you do not know what this is like.  YOU. JUST. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND.  I want you to suffer so I can have someone to commiserate with. Not only am I a raving, crazy bitch-- I am a raving, selfish, crazy bitch.  How do you like those apples?

Yesterday, I went off the deep end.

And today, I am back. 

Today, my girls slept more than twenty minutes in a twelve hour period and I have regained some of my equilibrium.  I've decided that I still love them.  I also got to talk to adults today and I even found  solace in those mother friends of mine who don't have twins.  I still love them too.  And I think maybe, just maybe, they might love me too.  I am sorry for being a raving, selfish, crazy bitch and of course, I don't regret my Turtles.

And to those mothers of triplets and quads, you're right.  I just don't get it. 

Comments

  1. Kate HallFebruary 18, 2010 at 7:55 AM

    i'm sorry. i don't understand. but i am glad you are back from the deep end. eventually, you'll send them off to college on full scholarships and go out to dinner with m all by yourself. eventually.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ShannonFebruary 18, 2010 at 1:55 PM

    i love you! what you are doing is amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. reanbeanFebruary 19, 2010 at 2:59 PM

    I think it was Dr. Weissbluth in his Heathly Sleep Habits, Happy Child book who said that having twins is not just twice as challenging, it is 10 times more challenging. I definitely agree, and wonder if it's 10 times more challenging to have twins it must just be ridiculously challenging to have 3, 4 or more.

    Glad to hear your week got better. I know that all kids are different, but I found 11-13 months to be a particularly challenging time with my two. We just had lots of transitions around that first birthday and I think that threw us all off a bit.

    I hope you have some time to relax this weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kristin @ Intrepid MurmuringsFebruary 19, 2010 at 11:31 PM

    Yes. Those days are ROUGH! The sleep is what is a killer for me. When we are not rested, is SO much more likely that everything else will go to hell.

    That said, I do feel like those days are happening less and less as my girls get older, so there is hope! Glad today was better!

    ReplyDelete
  5. JenFebruary 23, 2010 at 8:23 PM

    oy, and ugh and then are you okay? I so appreciate what you do just because I am a mom too. We moms deal. Doesn't matter the card we are dealt, we play it for what it worth and hope for the best. Keep your chin up. Glad today was better too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. abernierFebruary 26, 2010 at 8:45 AM

    Yes, this mom of twins agrees - 10 times as challenging! And you had the experience of a single kid - Vivi - so you would know! I had only my observations of other mothers. A friend who is a mom-of-triplets jokes (ONLY with her husband and with other parents of multiples) that having just one kid is like having a pet!

    ReplyDelete
  7. CristalMarch 1, 2010 at 5:56 PM

    I know the feeling. And as fruitless as the "it gets better" comments are, it really does. When I was deep in the middle of the first year with my twins there were many, many days I wondered just how the hell we'd gotten ourself into this mess, two year old and newborn twins. But now just two short years later we're trying for number four (which hopefully doesn't become numbers four and five). Hugs from of all twin mamas who suffered the first year.. we're right there with you!

    ReplyDelete

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