Off the Deep End
Yesterday was just one of those days when I felt like I had it worse than every other mother in the world. The sort of day when nothing goes right and I am living some sort of existential nightmare where there is no rest, no end to the crying, and no freaking escape from my children. A god-awful, suck-the-life-out-of-you kind of day that makes a woman hate every other mother who has ever complained about how hard it is with their kid-- their one child or their two children-- because they (the infamous "they") do not know how much harder it all is with twins.
And, let me just say it now, having twins is so much more than double the work. It is the kind of thing that makes one regret becoming a parent at all. There, I said it. I have been so good about staying positive the last eleven and a half months that I barely have let the drag of it all get to me. Well, it got to me yesterday so unless you have twins yourself, I hate you. I hate that you do not know what this is like. YOU. JUST. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND. I want you to suffer so I can have someone to commiserate with. Not only am I a raving, crazy bitch-- I am a raving, selfish, crazy bitch. How do you like those apples?
Yesterday, I went off the deep end.
And today, I am back.
Today, my girls slept more than twenty minutes in a twelve hour period and I have regained some of my equilibrium. I've decided that I still love them. I also got to talk to adults today and I even found solace in those mother friends of mine who don't have twins. I still love them too. And I think maybe, just maybe, they might love me too. I am sorry for being a raving, selfish, crazy bitch and of course, I don't regret my Turtles.
And to those mothers of triplets and quads, you're right. I just don't get it.