Friday, December 31, 2010

Ahhh, The Romance....

I think I need another blizzard to get back into my mommy zen mode.  School vacation combined with my twin tornadoes and my somewhat crippling desire to maintain some semblance of order in this house has left me feeling all cranky and burned out.

Jude and Ellie are delightful but they can rip the books off the shelves, empty the kitchen cupboards, and strew every single toy inside these four walls with remarkable speed and determination.  No sooner have I replaced all my books when I hear the crash of CDs out of a cabinet they recently learned to open.  There are only so many high spaces in this house and we've maximized what we have.

So, in this frame of mind, I turned to my husband the other night and said, "Is it possible to adore your children beyond measure but hate your life?"  In his very psychiatrist way of being, he asked if the clean-up was getting me down.  Indeed, it is.

I recognize that while I *should* work on letting the chaos go, I just can't right now.  There isn't much that I can do to mitigate the sheer monotony of child-rearing and it is getting me down.  The only solution seems that time just has to pass but  even I know that isn't going to be the real answer.  One day, before I know it, I'll be longing for my children at this size.  I hear the echo of those darn know-it-all Buddhists reminding me to stay in the moment.  I hate that too.

Anyway, while I was cleaning up yet another mess in the kitchen, I noticed a white envelope on the counter.  It was a card from my husband thanking me for all I do.  Inside the card was a $20 tip.  I think it was meant to be a joke but I pocketed the money anyway.  The romance around here just never ends.

Monday, December 27, 2010


I love blizzards and we were hit with a big one last night.  After sunset, when the world was slowing and people were snug in their warm homes, I bundled up and headed out for a walk.  It was cold and windy and I was alone in my neighborhood.  There were no cars, no plows, and no noise other than the wind.   Houses were illuminated by the white lights within and the colored lights hanging from exterior eaves and railings.  It was lovely.

After all the chaos of Christmas and travel, it was nice to be home.  I was happy that we arrived back before the brunt of the snow hit and the girls were none the worse for all the time in the car.  As I approached the house at the end of my blizzard walk, I got to see my house and my life from the outside.  Vivi was running around in her pajamas, Jude and Ellie were dancing, the new toys were scattered around the floor, and my husband was half paying attention to a muted football game on television.  From the silence of the street, I felt grateful that the people, the house, and all the chaos contained within are  mine.

With that in mind, I took another walk tonight.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

My Attempts

Well hello again bloggy blog friends!  It's been a long time. 

I think I lost my blogging mojo sometime around Thanksgiving and I'm still not sure it has made it back.  (Sorry grandmas.)  It seems that I was cleaning up from Thanksgiving and then Hanukkah hit which shouldn't be a big deal but somehow turned into one and well, before long I was all in a tizzy about Christmas.  There you have it.

We have had a lovely month so far.  Hanukkah was a hit not only because of the presents but because Vivi learned the candle blessing which she proudly recites in near-perfect Hebrew. (Which she calls Spanish.)

In our house, Hanukkah apparently requires the removal of clothes.

Once Hanukkah passed, we made our annual trek out to Big John Leyden's Tree Farm.  (Frankly, who wouldn't want to buy a tree from a guy named Big John?)  Finding the perfect tree was a riveting experience for everyone involved.  See, just look at Jude:

Somehow we ended up in a field with mostly new trees so we picked the biggest one we could find. It called to us and everyone was in agreement that it would be our tree.  When we got it home, it was a tad... how should I say this.... Charlie Brownish.

This tree looks like my body post-Turtles.
Of course, Ellie is pleased with how "faaaancy!" the tree is and the ornaments have provided an endless array of new accessories for the girls. Every time we plug in the lights, Ellie stands in amazement and yells, "Whoaw!"  So, Charlie Brown or not, our tree has brought us lots of good cheer.

Once the tree was in place, I hosted my annual cookie swap with a few of my favorite ladies and we had the most impressive display of baked goods I have ever seen.  Of course, I didn't photograph it but it was a scene worthy of sugarplum fairies.  My ass is still thanking me for the extra cushioning the swap has provided.    

As we prepare for Christmas,  I am delighted with the smell of the tree, the soup in the crock pot, and the wonder in my kids' eyes.  I've slowed down as they have sped up but it makes no difference.  We are together and we are full and the house is still standing.