Mama Mama Quite Contrary

We are!  Jude and Elie turned 3 on March 6th and it was a much anticipated event.  We had cake. We had hats. We had a little party at the Y with all their favorite grown-up friends.  (Let's face it.  These kids don't have friends their age.) Because there was not one thing these kids wanted other than strawberries and blueberries, it was easy to make them happy.  Vivi gave them a bucket and bubbles and I made photo books for each of them.  My little narcissists loved them.  (We'll just keep the fact that I couldn't tell who was who in some of the baby pictures our little secret.)  Of course, you can't turn three and NOT have something fancy to wear.  So Aunt Katie came to the rescue by sending these new swim suits. Mother Nature also celebrated our survival of three years with three kids by sending some beautiful weather our way. So we made like The Brady Bunch and "fixed" our bikes. Hard work isn't really Jude's thing and this is how...

Hey Internet, I've been wondering about something.  Do you think it is bad to refer to your children as "the animals?"  As in,  "Oh, I've got to put my animals to bed." Or "Should we feed the animals pasta for dinner or soup?"  Or "Sorry about the mess.  The animals crushed the graham crackers into the floor again." It often seems like a fitting description for my children. They eat without regard to silverware or dishes.  They sleep curled into little balls.  Their play consists of climbing on each other and wrestling one another into submission. They run really fast. They like to forage. They growl and roar when they are angry.  Frankly, it seems clear that my children seem to lack any sense of dignity at all. Lately, however, I've been thinking that maybe calling my children "the animals" is a wee bit demeaning.  They are my children, after all, and even though they may act like puppies, I should probably show them a bi...

What?  You mean you didn't potty train your child while she was fully-clothed and holding a pan intending to make "crazy-dillas?" Oh, I guess that just happens in our house.

I'm not joking when I say that one of Vivi's earliest words was privacy.  Or, as she said it,  pri-a-see .  I first discovered that she knew the word when she kept repeating it while pulling on the sun shade of her stroller.  When I got the message and finally pulled it down she quickly relaxed into sleep.  Thus began her frequent demands for  pri-a-see, both in the stroller and while on the potty.   So it is no surprise, as she nears the age of four, that having her privacy is still of utmost importance.  Her bedroom is now officially a "turtle-free zone" and it is not uncommon to find that she has locked the door while she is in the bathroom.  I'm fine with this.  There's nothing in our tiny bathroom that could hurt her and I can absolutely identify with wanting a quiet place free of interruption, even if it is just for a couple of minutes. Lately though, her privacy demands are mostly because she d...

Vivi has made peace with the potty. (Or perhaps more accurately, she has made pees with the potty. Hey, I really crack myself up sometimes.) The pants-wetting regression that followed the Turtles' birth is now thankfully just a distant memory and we are thrilled that she lets us know what her pottying needs are. When the time comes for Vivi to make her deposit, her proclamations are full of movement and drama. She dances around grabbing her crotch and yells, "Ugh! Mama, I can't hold my pee! I gotta go NOW! It is coming on really fast!!!!" When Vivi dances, Mama jumps which is a real change for a mama who has had a baby on each breast for seven months now. With this kind of success, Vivi is currently trying to capitalize in other ways on Mama's quick response. As I was loading her into the car this afternoon, she exclaimed, "Mama, I really need a snack. Ugh! Ugh! I just can't hold my hungries!" She has also had an attack of the thirties ...

I should have known better. Vivi fell asleep in the car around 11:30 this morning and instead of taking her straight upstairs to her room and letting her sleep, I woke her up with the hope of getting some lunch into her. I thought she'd sleep longer on a full stomach. Stupid...Stupid...Stupid.... After lunch, I read her a story and put her down in her crib. It was 12:15. At 12:30, I hear, "MAMA! MAAAAAMAAAA! MAAAMAAA? Come here please." I yelled up the stairs, "Vivi. It's time for a rest. I'll come up after you sleep." Clearly, she needed to up the ante. "MAMA!! I takin' my diaper off." Oh god. I went upstairs and found her naked from the waist down. I said, "Vivi, did you go peepee in your bed?" She replied no and when I asked if she needed to use the potty, she again replied no. I put the diaper back on her, read her a story, and said, "Time for your rest. Mama will come back after your sleep and we'...

My husband, Vivi, and I have a very important meeting tonight. Normally, a very important meeting on a Monday night would involve me, the TV, a bad reality show, and a telephone with speed dial to my friend Kathy. Alas, this is no such rendezvous. Our meeting tonight is with our midwife to inspect the little critter that took up residence in my belly about twelve weeks ago. Yup, that's right, I'm pregnant and we couldn't be happier! Some observations about being pregnant the second time around: -I just knew . I had a good idea the first time but that was because we had been trying to get pregnant and I felt the odds were in my favor. This time I actually knew within a couple of weeks that something within my body was very different and we weren't trying. -It is crucial to have Vivi clean up her toys before bed. Last night, I got up to use the bathroom and stepped on a lego. Swearing while hobbling around on one foot can't be good for a growing baby. -You really are ...

I admit that I have a prejudice against things made in China. If it's food, it is probably tainted with anti-freeze and if it's a toy, it almost certainly contains lead paint or phthalates ready to wreck my kid's reproductive organs. It's not rational but as a woman who is trying to be a good mom AND do the job of the FDA, I cling to these ideas. Yesterday, I was thrown into neurotic mama mode when Lu, Vivi's Chinese babysitter, arrived with "treats" for her. As I've posted before, Lu and I really can't communicate but I ascertained that Lu found my use of gummy bears as potty-training bribery to be unacceptable. (Maybe it was the scrunched up expression on her face that gave it away.) Hence, the new treats. Well, the "treats" weren't just for a successful trip to the potty. They were for anytime Vivi wanted them which turned out to be one right after another. She probably consumed ten of them in under a minute. This shocked ...

I am starting to come to the conclusion that our kid has us all figured out. Vivi seems to know a way to get the things she wants and we are often struck by her creativity. Unfortunately, we are also struck by how easy it is for our toddler to manipulate us. Let's take potty training for example. I initially thought I could use the gummy bear multi-vitamin she takes to facilitate her pottying . She loves the bears so every time she uses the potty she gets one (either the vitamin or a regular one.) It's been a great motivator for her. In fact, now she'll go sit on the potty as much as 10 times an hour in the hopes that something will come out that will warrant a gummy bear. Another great mommy idea turned bad. The second big manipulation hit us at bedtime. Around two, Vivi went from being the easiest kid in the world to put to bed to a fierce 25 lb. warrior armed with demands and needs that could not be met in any satisfactory way. A routine that used to consist of teeth-bru...

At the ripe old age of 26 months, Vivi has developed a deep interest in her body and a penchant for poop jokes. We were in the store the other day when the following conversation occured: Old lady: Hi cutie, what is your name? Vivi: Poop. Me: No really. Tell her your name. Vivi: I name is Pee. Me: Her name is Aviva. Vivi, can you tell her your middle name? Vivi: Toot. Vivi, of course, thought this whole exchange was hysterical while I just cringed with embarrassment. Yesterday, I was down on my hands and knees cleaning up a potty training accident. Instead of getting a rag like she usually does, Vivi put her hand down the back of my pants and yelled, "Mama's tushie crack! Mama's tushie crack!" And just today, she felt the need to point out a woman in Target who was bending over. Even though there was no skin in sight, Vivi loudly announced, "I see dat womin's butt crack." Now I am pretty sure that I have never used the term "tushie crack" or ...

Vivi has entered the realm of potty-training and it is an exciting time in our house. I am SOOOO over diapers and luckily, she's starting to feel that way too. I've tried to do my part for the environment by using cloth diapers and letting her go " nakey " whenever it seemed like there was little danger to our rugs or couch or beds. (See previous posts about how well THAT has worked!) Lately, however, I've found myself in a bit of an environmental quandary. With Vivi peeing as much as four times an hour on her potty, what do I do with all that urine? I know that right now the words "just flush it" are running through your head and generally that's what I've been doing. Every time I pull the handle though, I think about how much water I use to flush a little bit of pee. I've tried just collecting it in the grown-up toilet and flushing once an hour but I have to say that there are times when I forget and well, that's kinda gross. Thanks ...