Thursday, June 30, 2011

When Life Hands You Lemons...

I'm not really an optimist.  In fact, according to my husband and other reliable sources, I can be a real complainer sometimes.  I like to think it's part of my charm but I know he usually just finds me annoying.

This was particularly evidenced by my behavior yesterday morning when my husband made smoothies for the girls.  Smoothies are always a hit in this house but when I got downstairs and saw that the pitcher and the girls' cups were mostly full, I knew something had gone horribly wrong.  Still, I decided that the smoothie was worth a try but I was so overwhelmed by the sweetness that I didn't make it past one sip.

As the ray of sunshine that I am, I asked him what the hell happened to the smoothie.  He said it was fine and I went on to complain that the girls would have finished their cups if it was fine. Then I made the discovery that all the blueberries and deviled eggs were gone.  The blueberries went into the smoothie and the deviled eggs.... went into his belly.  Shouldn't he know by sheer intuition that I was going to eat those eggs for breakfast and the blueberries were reserved for Vivi's lunch?  Plus, there's nothing that raises my blood pressure more than wasted food.  (Hey, it's the Peace Corps volunteer in me.)

After a few tense moments, I decided to behave like an adult.  It was just a flippin' smoothie, a couple of eggs, and some blueberries.  Plus, I had a good idea.  I decided that when your husband hands you an over-the-top sweet smoothie, you make popsicles from it!

And then this is what happened:

I love Jude's expression here.

This popsicle makes me craaaaaaaaazy!

"Mama, want to see funny face?"

"This is silly face, Mama."

Guess those blueberries weren't wasted after all.

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

What's in the Bag?

Hey, guess what my husband brought home from work today?

When he asked me to take a look inside the bag he was carrying, I thought he had picked me up a treat at the bakery.  Umm... no.  What I found was a ziploc bag containing his  kidney stone and a plastic spoon which he apparently used to fish it out of the toilet.  Like a giddy kid who just made a cool discovery, he announced that he was going to send it off to the lab.

I suppose the lab will tell him exactly what he wants to hear, "Congratulations Dr. B!  You just harvested your own kidney stone."

Monday, June 27, 2011


It's never a good sign when your husband wakes you up at 4:45 in the morning and asks you to go fill a prescription for Dilaudid.  It is even more disturbing when said husband has been up since 2 a.m. popping Percocet at double the rate of what is generally considered a standard dosage.

Before I continue with the story of my husband and powerful opiates, let me tell you that he is a runner.  Actually, let's make that a RUNNER.  He has a very high pain threshold, eats ridiculously well, and is very well-versed in all sorts of ways to live a healthy lifestyle.  He is also a physician who has turned his traditional psychiatry practice into one where he relies on homeopathy and other energetic healing methods.  He is not a pill popper.

So when he woke me up, I knew exactly what it was-- a kidney stone.  When I returned with the prescription an hour or so after he woke me, he was crawling on the floor, unable to speak, and was shaking uncontrollably.  He also had intermittent vomiting.  It was bad. We've lived through a couple of kidney stones already but this was by far the worst I have ever seen him.

My husband was not interested in going to the emergency room.  He did not feel that they would be able to do anything beyond what he was already doing at home.  I disagreed and called my husband's colleague (a family friend who is also a family doctor) who also thought it was a good idea to get him to the hospital.  At the very least, we figured, they could give him some anti-nausea meds and some IV fluids.

We live about four blocks from a hospital and in one of the small miracles of the day, none of the children had woken up by this point.  I left the front door open, asked the neighbor to keep an ear out, and I drove my husband to the ER and dropped him off.

When I arrived an hour and a half later, I found my husband on a heart monitor, doped up on even more narcotics, and calling his patients to reschedule.  While it was pretty entertaining watching my stoned husband drunk dial, I was a little unnerved by the constant beeping of the heart monitor.  Apparently, when the nurse in triage took my husband's pulse, they (rightfully) freaked out that it was 35.  It was only after an EKG and hooking him up to the heart monitor did anyone think to ask if he was a runner.  His heart is fine.

With his pain well under control and eager to get the heck out of there, my husband dutifully peed in his cup and took out his own IV.  He joked with the nurse that if his urine wasn't positive for creatine, they "could charge him double."  Then he corrected himself and said, "Oh wait, you already are!"  He thought this was hilarious.

At 9:45 in the morning, they released him and he insisted on going to work.  My friend dropped him at his office and we checked on him at around noon.  He told me that he didn't think the stone had passed and he was feeling a little loopy from all the drugs.

So what is a guy like him to do?  See more patients, of course.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

What Happens When You Leave the Camera Lying Around...

One day, you'll flip the "review photos" setting on your camera and find things like this:

And perhaps, if your daughter is anything like my daughter, you will find photos of ALL her body parts.

Even the parts that aren't suitable for internet publication.


Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Running for the Hills

Hello Internet!  I am back from the abyss of home improvement, rainy days, my cleanse, various outings and disasters, as well as Vivi's last day of nursery school.  I survived it all and now we have this fancy thing on which I can relax:

Of course, I am not the only one who uses our new deck.  How could you not spend a lot of time out there when you have a twin sister and conjoined adirondack chairs?

And snacks.  Must not forget the snacks.

It wasn't long after the deck was finished and the rain broke, that my husband decided we needed a little family outing.  So we drove to southern Rhode Island, slapped some numbers on our kids, enticed them with Pirate's Booty (or "Judy Moody" as Ellie calls it), and told them to run their little hearts out.  

Which they did for a half mile.  Well, Jude and Vivi did.  Ellie stayed at the starting line with her snacks.  Are you sensing a theme here?

"I'm taking you down, Mama."  

Vivi did great and finished in the middle of the pack.  Although she brought up the rear and face planted at the finish line, Jude was a rockstar two-year old runner!

Bring on the Booty!  Jude and Vivi also got trophies which they both proudly carried around with them the whole next day.  I did the kiddie run with Jude but I didn't get a trophy.  What's up with that?  

After all the racing hullabaloo, we had to face the fact that Vivi had one last day of nursery school. She was sad.  I was sad.  Jude and Ellie were delighted that there was an "ice cream potty" at the end of the school day.

This is Vivi on her first day of school in 2009:

And this is her on Monday, her last day:

As promised, there was some celebratory ice cream.

When I proudly exclaimed, "Hey Viv, school's out for summer!"  She looked at me and said, "Mom, I don't feel very good about that."

Of course, summer vacation couldn't begin without some serious celebration at home.  That's when this happened:

Who doesn't love a clear view of the trees from their minivan?  Well, that would be Vivi's parents. 

The story on how the window got broken is a bit cloudy.  There was some spinning involved (both physically with Vivi and probably the story too), a rock pile nearby, and a whole lot of tears.  I think I get a B for keeping my mama rage in check but we are now $250 poorer for the repair and we have a five year old on house arrest.

That's my story. What have you been up to, fair readers?

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood.