Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Love and Loss

I've been in and out of a funk for the past week mourning the loss of my pre-twin life. The Turtles are still wonderful little babies (despite their complete and obvious lack of desire to sleep) and I find myself delighting in their smiles and giggles. Vivi has her wonderful moments too but the combination of all these kids and the housework and the inability to see one thing to completion makes me miss everything I had before.

And, here's the kicker, it is not that I don't have help. My sister has been living with us since mid-May. While it has been wonderful to have an extra set of hands, she clearly had no idea what she was getting herself into. Not long after her arrival, she discovered that Vivi, her beloved niece, could actually misbehave in a pretty spectacular way. Her new nieces also turned out to be a whole lot more stinky and demanding than I think she can stomach. She has been counting down the days to her August 1 departure since June and her increasingly obvious disdain for being here makes me angry and resentful. (The fact that she *can* leave while I can't is generally what pushes me over the edge.)

So here it is-- my life with three girls, a messy house, a cranky aunt, and a worn-out husband. And here I am with dirty hair, bad breath (Vivi informed me of this), and at exactly the same weight I was a week after the babies were born. Where are my damn breastfeeding benefits?!?

With all this, what's not to miss?

4 comments:

  1. The magical weight-loss benefits of breastfeeding are grossly overstated as near as I can tell.

    This might sound crazy--it's my attempt at looking for a silver lining in your sister's departure, which might be just what you DON'T want--but maybe things will be easier when she leaves? Maybe it will be easier not to have her around as a point of comparison/resentment rod (like a lightning rod, you know, ugh, I could use more sleep, too!)

    Yeah, that's probably crazy.

    I've struggled a lot lately with mourning my pre-kid life. My life now has some great moments, but it's difficult and exhausting, and the rewards/payoffs are either so fleeting or so long-range that it's hard to keep my eyes on the prize. It feels easier to eat more ice cream and yell a lot of the time. Hmmm. Anyway.

    Thinking of you.

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  2. I think you are right about the silver-lining. It's not like my sister being here makes my mothering any better. I think I am just resentful about more stuff.

    I know what you are saying about fleeting pay-offs. ugh...

    Thinking of you too!

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  3. i keep reminding myself that my own mother MUST have had these same days. and i don't remember them. !! hopefully, I will turn out okay and I can only hope the same for my boys...

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  4. I'm with Snickollet on the silver lining - it just may happen to be true! Hope you guys split on a positive note!

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