I was pretty sure that at this point in my pregnancy, I would be getting it all together. My floors would be mopped. The freezer would be completely stocked with food. I would have finished the quilt I wanted to make for one of my dearest friends whose due date is a few days after mine. I fully expected that there would be a handful of odds and ends to accomplish in the waning weeks of the Turtles' gestation but those would be trivial like pulling the diapers out of the box and putting them on the change table.
Well, let's just say, my expectations were off... WAY OFF! First of all, I got Vivi's cold but what was a cold for her is something of a flu/walking pneumonia for me. It's been a week now and I'm not feeling much improved. I've taken to sleeping on the couch in part out of mercy for my husband but also because I am more comfortable in a semi-upright position in a colder room. I'm trying to nap when Vivi naps too which seems to leave me more groggy than refreshed. It's the cloudiness in my brain that is really making me wonder if getting it together at this stage is just a complete impossibility. Here are a few examples:
On Sunday, some of my lovely friends threw me a surprise baby shower. I was under the impression that my husband, Vivi, and I had just been invited over for dinner. I had NO IDEA what was going on-- even after I walked in and everyone yelled surprise. I kept thinking that my friend sure invited a lot of folks over for dinner. Finally, she had to say, "Sam, it's a surprise baby shower for you." Oh!
In the course of the last week, I have either loaded the washer and forgotten to turn it on or loaded the dryer and forgotten to turn it on-- several times. Same goes for the dishwasher.
I was feeling a bit more energetic this morning so I managed to get a soup together to cook in the crock pot. It takes about 8 hours but I finished it by 9 a.m. At 12:30 this afternoon, I noticed that I never turned it on.
I've put shirts on backwards, forgotten to rinse shampoo out of my hair, and failed to return 75% of the phone calls or e-mails I've received. Not to mention, repeatedly forgetting to relay important messages to my physician husband.
Twice this week, I have forgotten to turn OFF tapioca I was making.
And, the crowning glory of my insanity: bursting into tears when my midwife said I should not air out two vinyl shower curtain liners on our back porch since they might crack from the cold. I couldn't handle the thought of those things (necessary for waterproofing our mattress and protecting our floor during the birth) off-gassing phthalates and other known toxins into our home.
So there we have it. I don't know if it is just the sickness precipitating this or the hormones or some unfortunate combination of both. It must be getting bad when Vivi repeatedly asks throughout the day, "Mama, are you okay?" while she pats my back or brings me a pillow.
Still, I think Vivi summed it up best yesterday morning when she was snuggling with me. She handed me a tissue and said, "Mama, we are a couple of sickie girls." Then she offered to take care of the Turtles by feeding them milk from her boobies, just in case I wasn't better in time for their arrival.