Here I am. It's 7:30 on Sunday morning and I am in bed typing on my new laptop. I should be sleeping. This is my big chance, after all. My husband took all three of our girls to New Jersey this weekend to visit his parents and to give me a break. It is a break that I have needed for... uh.... I dunno.... about 17 months but now that everyone is gone, I'm lonely.
Don't get me wrong. Since they left yesterday morning, I have really enjoyed my freedom from parenting. I got a haircut and put stacks of photos into albums. I picked up the house and balanced my checkbook. I didn't cook. It's been pretty enjoyable to come and go as I please. As day turned into darkness, however, I started to feel unsettled.
You see, as much as I desperately need a good night's sleep, I don't like to be alone at night. I'm not scared of the dark but the house feels way too big for just me. When I am not able to check on the girls before I go to bed, that loneliness is compounded. My routine is upset and then I never quite bounce back. Last night, I stayed up way too late trying to find some company through the home and garden channel on Hulu.com.
Then at about 3 a.m. my breasts became so engorged with milk that it was impossible to sleep comfortably. I got up at six to pump but 15 ounces later, it was impossible to get back to sleep. So here I am.
It is all very riveting, I know.
Have you ever spent a night alone without your children? Do you dance in the street to celebrate? Oh, and how the heck do you wean twins when one is ready and the other is not? I don't ever want to face that breast pump again.