Sunday, August 22, 2010

Lonely

Here I am.  It's 7:30 on Sunday morning and I am in bed typing on my new laptop.  I should be sleeping.  This is my big chance, after all.  My husband took all three of our girls to New Jersey this weekend to visit his parents and to give me a break.  It is a break that I have needed for... uh.... I dunno.... about 17 months but now that everyone is gone, I'm lonely.

Don't get me wrong.  Since they left yesterday morning, I have really enjoyed my freedom from parenting.  I got a haircut and put stacks of photos into albums.  I picked up the house and balanced my checkbook.  I didn't cook.  It's been pretty enjoyable to come and go as I please.  As day turned into darkness, however, I started to feel unsettled.

You see, as much as I desperately need a good night's sleep, I don't like to be alone at night.  I'm not scared of the dark but the house feels way too big for just me.  When I am not able to check on the girls before I go to bed, that loneliness is compounded.  My routine is upset and then I never quite bounce back.  Last night, I stayed up way too late trying to find some company through the home and garden channel on Hulu.com.

Then at about 3 a.m. my breasts became so engorged with milk that it was impossible to sleep comfortably.  I got up at six to pump but 15 ounces later, it was impossible to get back to sleep.  So here I am.

It is all very riveting, I know.

Have you ever spent a night alone without your children?  Do you dance in the street to celebrate? Oh, and how the heck do you wean twins when one is ready and the other is not?  I don't ever want to face that breast pump again.  

1 comment:

  1. Oh man, that sounds wonderful, though I am sorry you are feeling lonely! I have yet to even be left in my house alone without kids since my twins were born 2 years ago! And have never spent a night away. I think they are ready, though -- especially if they were with Dad (though I really doubt he'd actually do it, ha ha!). I would definitely have to pump if they were gone, for comfort!

    No idea about the weaning -- so far my girls are both still wanting to, so we continue. I think I would continue to offer to both if one was not ready, though (or a don't offer until they ask kind of thing). I often put limits on it and say no, not now to both of them, but I definitely can't let one nurse and refuse the other! Yikes! That would be all out war!

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