Sleep, Elusive Sleep...

I should be in bed. It's nearly 11 p.m. and the house is quiet. Vivi hunkered down early after a napless day in the sun and Eliya retired with my husband at around 9:30. Jude is making her little baby sleep noises in the seat next to me. The conditions are perfect for sleep and yet I just can't get there.

There is something about being so massively sleep-deprived that makes my body reject the idea of it altogether. It's not that I don't need it. Oh boy, do I. I can barely hold a conversation muchless remember simple things like what I ate for dinner a few hours earlier. It's a long slog through the day on just a few hours of rest yet I can never seem to settle myself down much before 11 p.m.

The moment I climb into bed I start to feel tense. How much time will I get before a baby wakes up? How bad will tonight be? Can I possibly make it through a night without one or both babies ending up in bed with us? (The answer is absolutely not but I cling to the hope.) It's stressful and the stress makes it hard to sleep. Plus, the knowledge that waking up is excruciating once I do fall asleep that I want to avoid it altogether.

Unlike Vivi, these babies are not even close to being good sleepers. From day one, they would only sleep tucked in next to us and we have unwittingly found ourselves with one crowded sleep situation. While I will readily admit that I love to snuggle with my kids, the family bed is taking its toll on me. I just don't sleep as soundly with a baby on either side of me. How un-mammal-like.... So I put the whole thing off.

Any advice?

Comments

  1. Kate HallMay 26, 2009 at 9:13 AM

    hey mama. ask any mom who has done the family bed if they have ever slept... any mom- any sleep.
    On year four over here of no sleep, and I don't even have twins. I'm doing my damndest to get this smaller one more attuned to the crib, because the older one is a lost cause. :)
    Do what you need to do to regain some space. Your circumstances are NOT the norm, there are two!! of them. Bring on the crib if need be. Bring on the earplugs one night a week, with hubby at 'pick up/bring over duty'... Think how much better the days will be if you get some good shuteye.... hang in there, good mama.

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  2. SnickolletMay 26, 2009 at 1:06 PM

    Oh, gosh, I feel your pain. I was the same way about sleeping. The idea of being awoken by a baby crying once I managed to fall asleep was so awful to me that I just didn't ever go to sleep in the first place. And, like you, I had two reluctant sleepers.

    I'm afraid I have no advice. I slogged through until M&R were six months, then, in a fit of desperation, I did cry-it-out. It worked, and I was too tired for the crying to upset me :).

    Wait! One bit of advice: if you're not already doing so, I'd really advise feeding both babies at the same time. If one wakes up to eat, rouse the other and feed them both. I'm a big supporter of feeding on demand, but when sleep is short and you have twins, a modified version seems to be a good compromise.

    At least it sounds like you're a mellow tired person. I'm an angry, bitter tired person. It was not pretty.

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