Mommy Brain

I have a serious case of mommy brain. Any person who has ever had a baby knows exactly what I am talking about. For those of you who haven't, mommy brain is the inability to remember anything, to accomplish anything, and to function in a normal way because your IQ and reasoning skills are significantly diminished by a lack of sleep. This is the reason I won't be posting the Turtles' birth story today. I'm not sure I can remember it.

My mommy brain kicked in almost immediately following the Turtles' arrival. I enjoyed a nice reprieve in the last year or so with Vivi sleeping well. I was even getting used to the idea of being somewhat together and then I accidentally ordered 12 bottles of laundry detergent from Amazon. That sealed the deal. I'm officially back on the half-assed parent train.

I'm doing things now that I never imagined doing a year ago. Since the babies were born, Vivi has enjoyed such delicacies as trail mix, baby carrots with salad dressing, and popcorn for breakfast. She also answers the phone for us even though I find it pretty annoying when I call someone and a kid who doesn't know what's going on picks up the line. I've given up some of my greener practices by utilizing disposable diapers and the dryer on a daily basis. And, to top it off, I would willingly lend any or all of my children to a stranger in exchange for the opportunity to pee without interruption.

Mommy brain is responsible for my most embarrassing parent moment to date. Last week, I ventured out of the house with the Turtles but sans Vivi in order to pick up a wedding gift for a friend. On the way to the store, Jude started crying. I thought that I would just nurse her in the back seat of the car once I got to our destination and that's what I did. When she finished, I put her in the wrap on my chest and tried to open the door. It wouldn't budge and I realized I was trapped inside by the child safety locks. (Normally Vivi sits in the seat I was in.) With the two other carseats in place and Eliya asleep in one of them, I could not climb into the front nor could I manipulate their positions in our cramped backseat to get myself out. I was stuck. I thought about hitting the panic button on my keys but it seemed that would just piss someone off and not lead to my eventual release. Instead, I decided to wave frantically at a woman who parked in front of my car a few minutes later. At first, she just waved back at me like I was some dolt who waved at everyone. When I started motioning for her to come to my car, she hesitated but must have decided that I didn't look like a serial killer who happened to be hiding out in a Subaru. She eventually let me out and we both laughed at the absurdity of the situation although I can't help but think she still regards me as a moron.

Jude's face says it all.